So ,ok, why are they transmitting these processes of,

I presume a processing plant, onto my internal processes

Yes, I'm a little wimpy when it comes to those things

No body's fault but the communicator

 

There is a very good reason I won't commune with these people

The wine is poison and would catalyst already poisoned hearts

Whether my wishes are respected or not ,I think my absence would be appropriate

 

 

 

Why would I want to entertain someone

 who so badly wants to prove herself right

by proving me wrong

 

 

The fact that they feel the need to break in is testament to your good standing

Just don't allow yourself to be martyred over beliefs, or memories

Their full of shit, and you shouldn't take then seriously

True, it's uncomfortable, even painful, but they don't last long at it.

If they want shit ,then give it to them, just don't bust a vein!

 

 

 

Manifesto of self in resistance of you

 

The fact that I still breath air is counter to your plans

It's sweet by the fact I'm still self determined

Denying your charms has been very unpopular

So be it ,to be true to myself

 

 

I don't want to be taught nasty lessons from malcontents.

It's not that I don't empathize,

But it's just to much ugliness to take in on such a beautiful day

I'm sorry for your misfortunes, but I don't want to feel responsible for these misdeeds

 

 

Passing the mantel from blinded nightingale to sweet host

 

 

 

Personally I always found the game of cards to wildly confusing, so I abstain

 

Don't let them get one up on you

Don't let them trick ,or force you in compromise

If you told a lie to save face,

Then don't let them use it against you

If they say they can read your mind, their bluffing

I can assure you of this, it's one of their many dirty tricks

Why honour those who don't even respect you.

Why would you feel obligation towards

Those that would sell you out in a second to save themselves

 

 

I think it a laughable irony

That I surpassed expectations of my self

Buy being totally undependable

I don't collaborate their predictions

 

 

What do you purpose I do about it?

I've been to clergy and got a very uninspired answer

I've been to mental health and they think I don't need a psychologist

I have had very good advice on how to cope,

But not answers on how to get rid of this scourge

Denying it's existence doesn't work

 

 

 

 

Why would I want to get emotionally involved

With an unseen ,unstable, unknown, and abusive force

 

I hate to say it, but because I'm so unmovable

She'll go out looking for others to push around

 

At the risk of sounding like Devils advocate

I think she's committed to total debauchery

 

You know I don't know where she comes from

This female of torment in my thoughts

The women in my life are quite well adjusted compared to this experience

Maybe its a throw back to biblical reference

There are a lot of so called bad women in the bible

I don't think of myself as a woman hater

My mother had issues, but I was tolerant of that

I learned to understand where she was coming from later in life

I guess it's better to have this wicked woman in my thoughts ,than in reality

 

Why would you trust her to do the right thing?

She's a committed malcontent

 

He wants to demean you

He wants to devastate you with sense of loss

He wants you to loose your artistic sense of shading

He wants you to accept things as black and white

He has control with this

 

 

 

Why illicit?

Why not something available?

I cheat with software

Isn't that bad enough?

 

She challenged me so intensely, that I became an obsessed resistance

You know if she gave me slack ,I probably would have hung myself

So the irony is ,though she gave me a hard time ,it gave me focus in determination of defeating her

 

 

 

Doesn't she realize

I'm an finite being

She's wasted so much of my time already

I don't have an eternity to waste in altered states ,being totally foolish

I have objectives to achieve, though modest in ambition

I should be allowed the time for myself

 

Their relentless hounds

If they can't trap you with plan A

Maybe catch you with plan C

Of course there's the flip side

Or the deadly sympathy card

There's no end to their harassment

 

For some reason I'm being forced to deal with types that I strongly react to.

Who is is setting up this strife ,and why?

 

If I for a moment dared say "I know the truth"

She'd attack my person,

trying to destroy any credibility that I have

So why get slain in the name of vain?

 

She's trying to encumber me with........

Any thing that I might accept as plausible

You name it, she's thrown at me

She wants me engaged in falsehoods

Maybe because I'm to good of an opponent

 

Why feed her?

She wants drunken fertile minds to potion her poisons

She wants you to think she is all knowing

What she knows is your weaknesses, and your need of her entertainment

She's going to bite you hard ,if you let her

 

Why honour thoes that have no honour?

Then ,why cast pearls before the swine?

I don't want to sound elitest, but why serve the criminals?

 

I hope you realize this

I perceive your program as an isolated incarceration

There is not hope of me letting you get cozy with me, your captive

Freedom is what I wait for ,and only that!

I choose not to serve this hysterical medium

I don't want to spin out,spinning out your hyper spin

I'm self respecting ,and don't want to be employed swilling out your slop

Why am I defiant ?

Bowing down to your wishes is not the way out.
Compliance will only get me in deeper.
I know this for a fact.

What is the method of my maddness?

I guess in reality my personal madness is a symptom of a bigger madness
I risk ridicule ,and humiliation stating my case
I have a diagnosis, which of course dams me into a box in
I don't dispute my diagnosis , and I don't refuse treatment, but I think my symptoms which seem very classic
Are part of a effect I get from something sinister inflicted on me.
Paranoia is a state of mind that is ignited by doubts ,maybe caused by chemical disturbances in the brain
My theory this disturbance is cause from without
Of course my diagnosis has taken away my credibility
So that's why I battle to stay cool, as this injustice plays out

 

Your going to call me a cornball

But here goes

They want to defile you ,because your good

They want to trap you , so they can hold you to  ridicule

You don't need a moral make over

They want to bend your nature just to see if they can do it

They attack your integrity because your a model of integrity

Your was targeted because your beautifull 

 

Garbage in ,Garbage back

Your making a filthy animal out of me because of your input

I can't focus on day to day activities, with your interference

If I were to teach you a lesson, I'd make you listen to all your tele-crap

Ghostly feelings of not

Sometimes my spirit shallows

Traces of passion looking for heart engagement

Feelings not finding contact points in body

I'm still to young to be so faint of heartbeat

I don't like to take ownership of such distraction

And I hope the distraction doesn't take possession of me

I'm hoping for that sunny cure all ,smelling like jasmine

There you, go, there is still joy left in me

 

You Know, I was in a no-mans land

One side wanted me to act out to it's script,

The other wanted me to behave and shut up

I was being pounded by both sides while trying to walk a tight rope

Life was a living hell

There seems to be a poisonous substance on the transmission

This may explain my poisonous responces

You seem to be drunk as the lord,forceing your concepts to me

All I want to do is escape your hell fire


I do not want to relive the past

I remember it as poisonous

and nothing will change that.

There is no reconciliation with intolarance

I can not change a unwieldly institution,and it cannot me


I remember her in her mid teens
She knew no boundaries and felt entirely entitled


Let me understand you clearly

You want me to find a sugar tit
So's you can feed off of me; right
That sounds like multi-level vampirism to me
May be immeditiatly gratifying to me, but your needs will eventually over burden us all
I don't want to co-depend any one I care about, into such a trap
So dam you pusher!!

Pre-Destine will

The concept of Pre-destiny, to me,
is a setup for pathological thought processes
I suppose it could be argued that I'm afraid,
because of my past shaky mental well being
I caution, because I think I've been the victim of such scams,
and I'm the wiser,only after being burned repeatedly
I think we're open to being preyed upon by nature of our humanness
We all like to think we're intelligent,good looking,natural charmers,and psychics
His Plan is simple
he's going to get you drunk,then get you out on thin ice,then agitate you,making you crash through,making him look like a wise guy

Need of sun

Absence of this mood enhancer causes need
We remember the good of the rays, only
Of course eventually the fulfillment of of our solar need will inverse to over exposure
I guess this anology would would true of a lot of forces of nature


Why send a well intending fax when so many get so hard about a hard copy
It's like disturbing the old hens
And being accused of being a chicken stalker
If some one is down, then I guess she's isolated



There is freedom in not caring

Freedom is having choice of heart involvement
Not to be terrorized by  misappropriated concerns
Not worrying what the neighbors do or display
Not caring who's getting screwed or not
Leaving the sales flyers in the dirt
Forgetting to shave, and not caring
Not being aware of the ,"You got bankers" problem
Being so oblivious as what to wear, that the fashion police give up
I admit this behavior is not very popular
I will have to pull up my boot straps eventually, and join humanity


I do not want to be pacified with a complicated belief system

I want to have my wits about me, and clear headed
I'm not letting you weave some sort of plausible explanation out of this foolishness
It's just plain wicked, what your doing ,and I want no part of it.
Your would eventually have to demonize me to make your myth work
And I don't want that constructed on my back


Do you fancy being the Russian Front ?

Your unconquered territory ,an objective in this war of nuts
I don't think you'll find this to flattering ,to find out.
My refusal as a war horse is making the warrior nuts
Why don't I call him Mars
Guess what your handle would be?

Eternal Quagmire

My house is a catch 22 nightmare
This may sound like dramatics
But dramatics seem to rule this bedlam
I guess the inmate doesn't run this place of exile
So why take responsibility for this maddness?

Honour this ,will ya!

Just what kind of game are you playing me?
Am I in trouble for not honouring your daughters needs?
I didn't support your favourite charity?
I won't go to your church?
I won't vote for your party?
I wouldn't be caught dead drinking with your kind?
My sensibilities are wrong, because I generally clash yours, across the board?
I won't help you protect your secrets?
Obviously I won't play ball with you. I'd just get left field any ways
I won't solider your cause ,because I think your an idiot
You say I'm nuts ,because I dare defy you
I just profiled you ,and guess what?
I think your criminally insane!!


Why would you conspire with a troublemaker?
Why would you trust her?
She'd sell you out, like she would me.


Your strange tact

You seem to try to control through disgust these days
Have you lost confidence in your sexuality?
Is causing me pain a replacement for good response?
Most move on when things get this bad
Can't you stand letting your object of hatred go free?


The jeopardy of open minded

I know there is risk of buzzkill in talking about the perils in openness
In fact ,con to openness, is the fear of buzzkill in certain circles
Gang mentality is con to openness all together
If cool is dependant on fear of the uncool ,then what's so cool about it
And I'm starting to hear myself getting encumbered with legalistic arguement
Wouldn't it be nice to just hear the music ,without  the accompanying hype

 
Why in the bag?

Why do they want Charlie in the bag?
Aren't I as valuable in the bush?
Am I intolerably quick out of captivity
Does my free wheeling ways disturb you?
Why is there this need to sit on me?

At the risk of sounding really crass
How can you trust a dealer that won't let you kick the tires?
Of course there's that burger analogy
I guess you can see where this coming from,
And of course ,where this is going

 

Why so humbled?

If I go strong , I'll just clash

If I'm submissive ,it'll just be to much of a pity

There is no happy medium, and I know why

 

 

A word of caution

My expectations are not set high

It's a long story

You may find it boring

 

Why do I appear so heartless?

Well, it's a no brainer

To keep it safe from this entity of many forms,

But ever present.

 

Look, if you want to issue me!

Please confront me frontally or call on telephone!

Stop employing good well intentioned people

To unwittingly do your dirty work!!

 

Why do I draw lighting bolts?

What makes my presence such a perversion

To the present played out ,as is?

It's like I'm illegally present from another place and time 

 

I bet within the radious of my community

Someone special must have hit the jackpot

I can smell the success

I know ,to bad for me

 

It's the promise of getting better,

But really getting worse

There is nothing to redeem

I'm not stupid

It's only a ploy to get into your clutches

You can't negotiate with a liar

There is no guilt my my part, because I don't know who you are

Based on what I've been told ,you have no bases to hold me

Is that fishing spelled as phishing or a lawyer's letter from a destabilized country

I'm not being cute to be clever ,but trying to out whit your advance

 

Your logic does not compute for me

You say you want copies

But you say I'm defective

I'm not comprehending

You say I'm special

But you abuse me

You say there is a higher cause to wait for

I hope I'm not waiting for spaceships

You want me to better myself

But take a ways my tools of self determination

Am I supposed to wait for ravens to feed me?

I thinks your a sometimes high flyer ,sometimes low rider

That's why your directive is so confusing

 

 

What if ,no regrets?

The above statement is probably an impossibility

But deep down there is no rational

Just need of completion

Can our heads tell our foolish hearts to wise up?

Maybe sometimes this could only be an unbearable suck up ?

I know need for rational is very annoying to many

Even the so called rational struggle with this secretly

Now that I waded into the deep end

I know, I can't formulate sanity, but just release this thing ,I fear

 

 

    

The Buddhist monks atone every morning for the bugs they crush during the travels of the day

      Here's a stupid thought, do you things the bugs do the same.

     And what does this deep reflection mean. Maybe I'm suffering from environmental disease 

    

      You know ,your efforts to demoralize ,intimidate, trick, and baffle me have made me quite a piece of work. Your efforts to destroy ,trusting ,innocent little old me has reconstructed me into that monster in your way . I'm not bluffing or bragging, and not wanting this indignant advance of yours . But why don't you work around me. That would be much easier for the both of us, wouldn't it?

 

The only thing huge about your

teachings ,is the enormity of effort

to weave a mythical story out of

old prophecy , history theory ,and to-days events

 

Do you know I treat your transmissions as demon speak?

Are you aware your on a liars network?

Your garble is to annoying and static for me to

listen to ,and try to extract anything meaning full

Why don't you try good old fashion wired communications

 

Yes, I'm frustrated

No, I'm not putting on a show for you

 

Am I mistaking a plea for help, for a personal attack?

It's just that it seems so needy, that it seems to be threatening

 What would make you happy?

If I were to believe you ,and in passion, make a fool of myself?

I must really be a challenge to you.

Don't you have something more horrific to do?

Than to antagonize little ole me

What is your sick fascination with me, anyway?

All you have done is, prove me right about you

But isn't that what your trying to do to me

Prove yourself right about me

But why with such force?

I hate to say it ,but I feel very persecuted.

 

Do not entertain this menace!!!

Do not trust this mistress with your thoughts

She usually introduces herself as Beautiful Red head

Maybe because I'm a guy, go figure.

The only mystery ,is how she gets inside your skull

The rest is her flexing her suggestive powers

She'll try to make you think till it hurts

I guess it's her way of existing

By conquering your inner space

 

 

I resist making Mountains out of mole hills

Only to build bunkers underlying

 

I think they keep on recreating the events of 1973

To confuse my memory ,and possibly implicate new perpetrators

Possibly to protect the guilty 

 

This so called good and evil struggle

Is going to look more like a murky spy game

and she's no thriller , but a chill  

 

Why are you trying to make sense of something that doesn't?

Just what are you trying to rationalize

You can`t balance, what is unbalanced

Your cannot define, what is indefinable

The reason is, it wants to mystify its beholder

The more it become object ,the more it changes

It wants attention, just to deceive, and glorify itself

This so called angel ,is more demon to me

 

Gees ,we all want a little respect

Every body wants respect

The so called president to that Ben guy

From terrorism to the counter terrorism the big guys seem to be off their game

Good guy, bad guy, they seem to be getting pretty grey

It's not making good television, how can we experience the magic if we're wise to them

None of that simplistic Rock them ,sock them heroism

To complex and ,deeply in sighted to hold the masses in suspense

Why does truth has to be so much like the dreaded quagmire, boring

The hellfire ramparts are in video form now ,a mere cyber experience of what the glory was

How can we possibly take the gods seriously

 

 

I don't pretend to be a good judge

But I know what's phony

If that horse ran ,then I don't know which race?

If that crime was committed ,then who is the victim ?

Is it name that tune, or choose your punishment?

What I'm saying is ,nothing to nothing

 

She's the anti of my dreams

If I was to be romantically hopeful

She'd dash my hopes with complicated thought processes

If I was to happily anticipate ,she'd fill me with negative anxiety

If I appear to be getting prosperous ,she'd try to disgrace me with failure

If I'm lookin good, then she tries to make me feel bad

Apparently I wreaked her dreams of enslaving me years ago

And I've been paying ever since 

 

I don't trust you

Because you appear to be serving an enemy of mine

Just throw it all out in the trash ,I don't care

 

Sticky tentacles

This cling on is impossible to get rid of

Its tentacle's hold doesn't want to be denied

It wants to consolidate it grip by making me compromise

Even my resistance can be grappled into loss of face

I think maybe only my steady non compliance, will win the match

 

This Wiley Predator

Has employed good people

To grasp so called righteous power

It's a charming pied piper ,unless your wise.

Then a cruel jailer

 

Just what are you channeling me?

What ever it is, its frying my circuits

Are you being purposely incoherent ,or is that I can't comprehend?

It hurts like passing square thoughts threw round holes

Maybe your trying to nuke my brain.

Assaults

Maybe there are assaults because I think the "Sweet Hosts"

 are more attractive than the "Blinded nightingale"

 

Anti-hero

Being an anti-hero is wise when heroism is unwise

I guess that's a no-brainer

Lacking romantic motivation would be a symptom of non faith

Or disbelief of heart appeal

What I'm getting at is there is something rotten in Denmark

 

 

Sudden Realization

Gee's why didn't some one tell me I was carrying on a war of wits to my self

Better than being engaged in a real battle with a innocent bystander , I guess

You know I have all the confidence of a man that can't win

So guess what ,I don't care

Legends , not

I never had ambitions to make big bangs

I'd never consider to build monster trucks to wow the children

I think terrorism  is over rated

I guess I'm no fun

I might be tempted to try to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse

 

You, know what?

I think I prefer sex to a mind melt.

If that's what is being offered?

Forgive me ,but I find you a little confusing

I think a mind melt would hurt

That's my experience

 

Maintaining Cool

You know , cool is every thing

I'd do any thing to feel well being

I don't care who I embarrass in my contortions to feel of sanity

I don't need to please those who will never understand

If that's arrogant ,then I'm that

What I think reality is ,then that's my fix

 

Ultimately we are only responsible for our own actions

I hate to say it, but my finest moments are when I'm absent ,sometimes

And yes, some of my smoothest moves was inaction

Embarrassingly ,restraint has been my best play

And of course my lip has got me into and out of hot water regularly

 

Why make it another cool summer?

It's not that I want to be so hard about circumstance

It's that circumstance is what's sticky

But that was always the problem

And I do seem to be defeated by it

Maybe I can get new angles worked out

 Maybe guile is the secret to smashing the wall

 

Hey, dumb ass

It not about sex ,Its about power

 

If this stupid spell has already been damaged by yours truly?

Then why do insist on its completion?

All your doing is dragging me ,kicking ,and screaming ,though the passage of time

To destination as a very unhappy camper

And do you think we'll kiss and make up

The odds are, that hell will freeze up to.

 

Addressing persistent tinnitus

Do I Bore you that much?

Why don't you pick on some that cares ,instead?

You know I'm not taken by you

I see through you because I experienced your game years ago.

All your doing is wasting my time ,keeping me from day to day activies

So what you have done is affect my personal life ,only

You did not trick me into drawing more victims into your trap

I'm getting tried of having to be so well behaved ,as to not spread the disease.

Can I shame you into leaving me alone?

 

Dear Father

Your life here is done

It's really sad to miss you

But your memory refrains joy

It will take years to process what you mean to me

I'll never be able to return ,but maybe pay forward your kindness

The world desperately needs a gentleman like you

And I'm a lucky man to be your son

 

Ok, Davenport, I said it?

Is it a sucker play?

Do I get a cupie doll?

I knows she's tricky?

Is it rec room intrigue ?

How stupid do I look so far?

I suppose I could have gone off the deep end thinking the CIA was messing with me

But it was little ole you

 

Young Prey

I hate to be so annoyingly clich?

But a stopped clock is wrong most of the time

A stopped clock may seem coolly out of time

But not with it, or correct.

Tuning out of reality, just  makes oblivion of self determination

You'd be lost like soulless radio receivers

You would hear the con in ethics

You'd know the pro in mayhem

Why do I always get the asses role?

Why is there this dominatrix's expectation that I'll screw up?

I tell ya, there is no respect for this boy.

I am very capable of being a idiot on my own ,thank you very much.

I don't need to prove this determination right

Supposed G-man

You know, your a slick talker

I fear your going to set me up for failure

Like a Government agency

In reality ,I'm far from meeting my own standards

The brass ring you offer, is far out of reach

Dear Misrepresentative

          I guess this an open letter to whom plays the mocking game. After years of having to listen to your lies, misrepresentations, half truths, attacks, dirty tricks, extortion, attempted blackmail ,and general malice, I'm no closer to the truth. Which I don't expect to learn as long you have my ear. What gave you way, is your nasty ways ,and deceitful patterns. I'd never dare try to profile you because it would make me seem malicious my self.

                                                                                  Yours truly

                                                                                            hotduckchuck@hotmail.com

                                                       

 You know acting like your serious is a red flag to some

I guess a certain devil-may-care attitude is a defense of the insecure

But there is doubt when there is so much deceit

You have to play your cards carefully

 

You know I could start screaming the sky is falling,

Or that the universe sucks

But I've done that.

Every one giggled,

and then I was cool

But stoned teenagers were easily entertained

 

With in ,with out of your mind

Why such strange coinage for a title?

Imagine the micro of your mind ,inversing to macro, the universe

It's a drug like induced meeting of your own mind from, with out

An uncomfortable Omni aware like delusion

Are the Gods angry with me ,or what.

I could go to a party saying welcome to my night mare ,as if they get me

Yes ,I'll get laughs ,but not with, but with out me

 

Treacherous June

This Petite strawberry Blonde

This wallop of a girl

Are you as dangerous as I am lead to believe?

Are you the screaming need?

I know your striking ,but are you the Thunder Goddess

Or are you a showy distraction from the red devil.

Why am I so cryptic?

Well your code is kind of Mafioso to

It's like murder by innuendo

 

Ahh, perception of mine. Is it so foreign ,

and what does it matter to me or the other?

A problem to whom? Do we really poison,

or do other perceptions of ours really the distortions?

                                    

              
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